Bill Carl’s BEST BIZARRE FILMS OF 2015
BILL’s BIZARRE BIJOU
By
William D. Carl
This week’s special feature presentation:
THE BEST BIZARRE FILMS OF 2015
Welcome to Bill’s Bizarre Bijou, where you’ll discover the strangest films ever made. If there are alien women with too much eye-shadow and miniskirts, if papier-mâché monsters are involved, if there’s a multitude of drag queens and camp sensibility, if go-go dancers in cages are featured, if your local drive-in insisted this be the last show in their dusk till dawn extravaganza, or if it’s just plain unclassifiable – then I’ve seen it and probably loved it. Now, I’m here to share these little gems with you, so you too can stare in disbelief at your television with your mouth dangling open. Trust me, with these flicks, you won’t believe your eyes.
I watched an awful lot of weird films this year, and there were—surprise—several stand-outs! Just as this was an exceptional year for feature films in general, weirdo movies also seemed to step up their game, especially horror-comedies. Seriously, if I am lucky, I view one good horror comedy a year, but this year, five made my year-end list! So, let’s start with the brilliant horror-comedies and countdown to my favorite flaky flick of 2015.
10. THE EDITOR is the newest film from the fine folks at Aston-6, who think going over-the-top is too easy. They go over-the-top and far beyond in their efforts to entertain and/or offend their audience, and they succeed greatly in this giallo homage/send-up. While an editor (who lost four fingers in a tragic editing accident) splices together a new horror movie, the cast and crew are being killed by an unknown assailant. Of course, the editor is the main suspect, but everyone knows that’s too easy. The solution to this one is queasy and sick and tons of fun, and the cinematography is as colorful as any Italian giallo from the 1970s.
9. COOTIES offers up something I thought I was sick of seeing, and it makes it (somewhat) fresh again. On his first day as a grammar school teacher, Elijah Wood has to fend off zombie kiddies after they ingest infected chicken nuggets. It’s the teachers vs. the zombie kids, as the terrible tykes go on a rampage, eating anyone in their way. Surprisingly, the jokes here are pretty funny, as long as you don’t mind seeing little brats getting slaughtered left and right. The cast is game, and everyone is quite funny. What can I say? I laughed a lot and only felt a little guilty about it afterwards.
8. THE FINAL GIRLS is a meta-slasher flick, in which a young girl, whose mother was the star of a famous slasher movie (awfully similar to a certain Crystal Lake piece), finds herself and her annoying friends sucked into the film. To survive, she knows she must be the final girl, as only the final girl ever gets to kill the killers in these movies, and to do so, she must outlive her mother. The bond between the two women is really interesting, and the stars, Taissa Farmiga and Malin Akerman, wring every bit of pathos from the situation. It actually becomes quite touching, and the script is sly and witty.
7. WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS is a brilliant sicko comedy from the folks who brought you the HBO series (and band) FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS. What would happen if a video crew was allowed to film a reality program about a group of vampires that all live in a house together? Full of hilarious scenes, well-defined characters, and juicy one liners, this was easily one of the funniest movies of the year. Mel Brooks or Christopher Guest would be proud!
- Finishing up our horror comedies of the year is a low budget movie that knew exactly how ridiculous to be . . . ZOMBEAVERS. A horde of toxic-waste-infected monster beavers attack a group of horny teenagers staying in a cabin. It is really that simple, but if you don’t bust a gut when one of the hot young women grows a flat tail and starts slapping it against the cabin floor, you are reading the wrong column! Plus, kudos to the writers for actually fooling me about who will survive the film. At the halfway point, it is impossible to guess. Plus . . . zombie beaver puppets! Do I really need to say anything else?
5. BOUND TO VENGEANCE is a grim revenge tale. After a woman who has been held hostage turns the tables on her captor, she discovers he has girls hidden in various locations around the city. She must keep him alive to get to them in time or they may starve to death. This one isn’t perfect, but the performances by Tina Ivlev and Richard Tyson make it a gripping watch. Yeah, it’s sort of an intellectual version of I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE (1978), but it has its own style.
4. BONE TOMAHAWK is a new Western horror film with a fantastic cast that includes Kurt Russell, Matthew Fox, Patrick Wilson, and Richard Jenkins. When a group of cannibalistic troglodytes run off with the pretty doctor from an isolated Western town, a posse goes after them, but they are no match for the inbred creatures, which are as scary as any monster I have ever seen on screen. The movie may be ten minutes or so too long for its own good, but the great acting, the terrific realistic dialogue, and the astonishingly grim atmosphere (and really explicit gore) make up for any sluggishness.
3. THE HALLOW is an Irish creature-feature that zips along at a speedy pace, and it does something most horror films have forgotten how to do—it scares you! When a family moves into a house by a forest, they awaken the supernatural creatures that reside there. Terrific special effects bring to life the sprites and banshees and goblins, all the result of a fungal infection. Yes, it is the scariest case of athlete’s foot ever! This is an old-fashioned, 1980s-feeling scare-fest, and it’s a fun movie to watch in the dark with your significant other!
2. TURBO KID is what would happen if Troma films were helmed by someone with a bit more restraint. Oh, who am I kidding, this is a total homage to the movies of the 1980s, especially Troma type films! In a post-Apocalyptic future, a kid discovers an ancient turbo-charged weapon and takes on the cruel Overlord. You get a synth-rock score, BMX bike riding, Michael Ironside (whatever happened to him?), big hair, and tons of 80s-style gore. And I mean TONS! This little low-budget flick has moxie to spare, and it gleefully skewers those movies I loved as a teenager.
- The best weird movie I saw all year really straddles that line between art film and exploitation film, and we get one of the most beautiful movies of the year—SPRING. It’s your typical boy-meets-girl, girl-may-be-a-slimy-monster, boy-must-choose kind of film, but it is so sweet and so subtle and so romantic—you could swoon over the gorgeous Italian scenery alone. The script is heady and full of rich dialogue, so this ends up seeming like a Richard Linklater BEFORE SUNRISE (1995) rip-off, but there’s so much rich mythology in the script and wise, naturalistic performances, that it becomes, ahem, its own beast. Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead, of 2012’s RESOLUTION, astound in this terrific horror movie/romance. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
And that, my bizarre friends, are my picks for the weirdest, yet best, films of 2015. In my next column, we’ll be back to watching a single twisted film (and it’s a lulu!) Until then, get to renting some of the films I just mentioned!
© Copyright 2016 by William D. Carl